Justin Bieber Now Avaliable To Lick At Your Own Pleasure

It’s hard to know when you’ve achieved ultimate glory. For football players, gracing the cover of computer games is enough to know they’ve reached the dizzy heights of fame, though the modern player will argue that having a kiss and tell story whored out to the press is the current recognition of stardom. But what about popstars?
Of course, the obligatory merchandising goes with any musician, as branded calendars are labelled as highly collectable, easily enticing young fans to whip out their wallets. Surely every piece of tat to buy has been covered?
Well we certainly thought so, but try telling that to Justin Bieber. Despite just learning to walk, the crooning runt has recently released a perfume called ‘Someday.’ And now, he’s got the flavours of that and remixed them into a new product called the Bieber Bocker Glory. Whilst this sounds like some sort of sordid sex act, we’ve been told it’s an ice cream.

A fistful of dust could be sold to fans of Justin Bieber due to his unique ability to peddle any only tosh. However, it appears that some thought has gone into this strange ice cream creation. Even though perfume is just smelly water, all sorts of PR guff gets thrown around to try and make us think that we’re splashing our necks with ancient African fire herbs. The Bieber Bocker Glory simply takes the notes of the scent and blends them into something you can shove down your throat. It contains:

“Wild berry and vanilla ice cream, pear, lavender sprinkles, and edible glitter.”

Unconfirmed reports have us believe that the dessert will be severed up on a silver tray by a unicorn that’ll be firing a rainbow out of its horn and whistling the theme to Match Of The Day. If this was to happen, then expect to pay through the nose for the privilege, but for now, you’ll just have to trudge over to Harrods in London where you’ll no doubt be robbed blind for something that cost about £2 to literally whip up.
Sadly, there’s more Justin Bieber ice cream news.
It’s also been reported by a fanatical Bieber blog that Nestle have decided to produce ice cream bearing the Canadian singers face. In honour of his nation, we can only assume that the normal and slightly boring chocolate flavour will go out the window. Instead, we’ll be treated to a taste of Canada – like the taste of smashed in seals heads with thick sticky blood being replaced by strawberry sauce. But where can you buy this tasty treat? Don’t run down the supermarket at once now, it’s only available in Israel for some unknown reason.
Poor Israel, it isn’t like they have enough problems already without a gurning Justin Bieber ice cream bar to deal with.